Passover

Saturday was the first night of Pesach. We had Eover and I did a big bean stew and BigA made broth and kneidlach (dumplings). I had baked eggs in onion skins that morning, one of my favourite bits of the preparation. It turns the skins an interesting colour and pattern and they taste better than normally boiled eggs. E had sourced a horseradish root and we had the walnuts at the ready. Each part of the Seder plate was almost complete, although I'd forgotten to get salt water, an easy fix when it came to the dipping of bitter herbs in it. 

And we went through the ritual, telling the story of the Israelites and their escape from Egypt and enslavement. Each time we do this I'm struck by the profound history that so sadly repeats over time and over the world, still we cannot say all are truly free. The message clear, we should do all we can to strive towards a world of genuine peace. M and I had cranberry juice and so I once again kept to my drink free weeks. 

The next morning, after a bad night's sleep I managed to get up and potter about before heading off for roller derby practice. I had been feeling rather smug about the lack of pain following the last 2 sessions, feeling like my body was getting stronger, which it is, but this week was a beast of a session. We were learning about walls, how to push and how to prevent being pushed. This involved a lot of ploughing and my goodness my left thigh and butt cheek screamed at me for the next few days. After training most of us rookies headed to one of my favourite local pubs, The Beehive, and we had a little Q&A and got to know each other a bit better. We seem a great bunch and I found out that the main league captain is over 40 so, as long as my body recovers well from surgery and I'm allowed, I intend on skating well into my 60s. For dinner, I made macaroni cheese, a craving satisfied and I ignored the fact we had lots of bean stew leftover.

Part to get me out of the house and part to get the girls out too, on Monday morning the three of us went to Tesco to do a rather mammoth shop. For the first time in my recollection we got everything on the shopping list and plenty that wasn't. I got some seeds too and after lunch spent a short time deadheading and potting out some seeds. I can't sow directly as the cats tend to dig up anywhere I've planted. 

This week I got to see a few of my friends face to face and tried my best to remember the positives of life. I'll be honest I've found these last days harder than I have for a while. The waiting for outcomes dragging my thoughts to worry, as well as layers of uncertainty about what my future will look like. I at least have an appointment date now, for Wednesday 23rd. I have my questions forming but I know what they always say, we can't guarantee anything. My pals did the trick though, reminding me of all I have, able to help me sort through some of my worries and thoughts. I did this mainly on one day when the rain fell and I was glad it did, the first proper soak the garden has had in over a month I think. 

BigA has had to dig down and focus on his work, this is marked by his office door being shut more often than not, more to stop him getting distracted and coming out to talk or fix something. I have resisted the urge to abuse his often weak resolve to point out small tasks that need doing as he so easily crumbles. Instead I have tried to be a dutiful wife and make him food and not interrupt him. I don't envy him the task of bidding for a contract, I'm not sure how he does it. 

The unfamiliar and yet lovely event of the week was M and C's wedding. A and I set out, dressed to impress, A wearing a dress I wore to Jessie's first holy communion which makes it a timeless classic and she looked so beautiful. It was a slightly strange experience to be the old teacher - I was asked to have my official picture with the bride and groom and then just groom. I was mentioned in the father of the bride speech and the grooms, and perhaps my favourite bit was the table plan, where all guests were referred to by first name only but me, I was still Ms D. I felt genuine pride at these two making a life together and knowing I played a small part in who they are. A enjoyed it all too. 

I headed into W the next day to help again with yr 12 - they are a funny and faffy bunch who cannot get on with things without a constant eye. It was nice to flex those drama muscles again and to get to know them all that bit more. 

I had the start of a cold but lemsip helped enough for me to go out that evening for, what I think is an annual event. The anniversary of when BigA asked a few of us to meet for a drink, the beginning of a beautiful relationship that is known as S and S. It was in a lovely part of Hampstead, a place we could only dream of being able to afford to live in but we can at least visit. BigA came home with me and, having got his bid in, he was supposed to be relieved, I think though he's now got to fend off the anxiety of waiting to find out if he's been successful. We'll know some time in June. 

Then to Good Friday, the first anniversary of my uncle's death and a day I felt a layer of sadness at that knowledge. Every time I go to the theatre or read a play or, frankly raunchy book, I think of him. The book reference because of a book he gave me to read that was steamy in places, like lots of good books are! I think that shocked my mum more than me. I was about 16. I took the girls to Tottenham Hale as they wanted to get bits for an Easter picnic they have planned and then home in time to have the garden table delivered. Now when the sun shines a bit more we can eat outside with ease. 

And so in this Easter weekend I wish you all the joy of new beginnings