Last week of the holiday

 

It's been a week of DIY, jigsaws and entertaining - very much enjoying having pals over for food and chats and seeing people out and about. Enjoying the freedom of my last week of holiday. I did a proper exercise class on Wednesday, far too much jumping up and down and bouncing back and forth for my taste, but it was free, due to a pal having a voucher. The class age probably averaged 40 so I didn't feel too odd there, although I think it was evident I haven't got much core strength. I've been keeping up my strength work at home, but I let myself off lightly and the class was better at pushing me, even if I was worried about wetting myself with all the leaping involved. Happily I didn't! I've been feeling a lovely balance of doing and not doing this week. We went out to a gig in Dalston, a beautiful outside space with a canopy of trees to keep off the slight drizzle. The first act was beautiful, loops of sound and soft rhythms that felt like soft and powerful lullabies. The second act was a band from Malawi and I was excited to recognise a version of the Malawi National anthem as their opening number. But that was about as exciting as it got, I found them a little basic and repetitive and so it didn't fill me with too much of a yearning for Malawi. It was nice to see Dan, Debi and Edgar and enjoy a cup of tea (I'm taking my days off alcohol very seriously.) Dan amused me by grumbling about the hipsters and how much effort some people had put into looking like they had made no effort at all. There, I bumped into a woman called Julie who I met years ago in Tottenham when we both joined the London Rockin Rollers roller derby team and then again in a  Pantomime rehearsal in Blantyre, Malawi in my first few weeks of arriving. She had a sadness in her eye and, given that she moved back to the UK a couple of years ago, I hoped it wasn't the sadness of missing the warm heart of Africa, but she explained that she's had a hard few weeks as her mother had died and she was meeting with a man who she hadn't seen in 1997 who knew her mum. Such a small world. 

I've been reading lots this week and have started a book called Wifedom, which I recommend. It's about Eileen - George Orwell's first wife. Fascinating to read about her influence and who she was in her own right. I'm already struck by how little we know about the women who made it possible for some men to become who they are famous for being. Interesting though, that when you look the book up it's hard to find her name, mostly still being called 'George Orwell's Wife' and not Eileen O'Shaughnessy. The author reflects on her role as mother and wife and how she is trying to find part of herself now that her daughter is a teenager in the 21st century. And how you feel like you need to protect your child from the harsh realities of life, until you can't and you have to prepare them and then, as I am experiencing now, they start to be able to return some of that. It is resonating with me so far. And sadly A and M have been experiencing the frustration that the freedom to walk on a street has brought, cat calls, toots of horns, odd looks and glaring. Sad that it is still a thing. We've talked about how they can stay safe, what to do if they are worried. I feel angry that we have to. I suspect that the men doing it also can't see why there is a problem with the Spanish football president kissing a player without consent. I'm in danger of really ranting on now, so I'll stop there. 

We booked a holiday for February - we're going to be heading off to Sicily and I've been trying, rather slowly, to learn a little Italian via Duolingo. I'm certainly no linguist and I wish you could set it to - learn for a holiday. I just want to be ok ordering food and saying 'thank you' and 'oops sorry.' I did find an Italian phrase book in the fourth wave of box grabbing from the loft - which I am sure will be more useful for the trip.We're going with the wonderful Wagners and I am very excited and know the prospect of a week of chats and wine with one of my most favourite people, will get me through the darkness of Winter.  

The girls have been making the most of their last week of holiday too - a bit of frisbee, parties and shopping. M headed off to her nan's for a few days. They are both super excited about starting their A-levels. A and I tried out a local life drawing class, although it's supposed to be 18 and over, a pal got in touch and it was fine for A to go with me. It was great to stretch my creative muscles again, I haven't done any life drawing since my Art foundation year all the way back in 1998. I wasn't too shabby and certainly felt I held my own compared to the others in the group. A was great, she is very talented and I hope we go at least once a month, maybe more. 

BigA has been doing more of his work work, which always feels strange when I don't have anything work wise to do. That will no doubt change rather dramatically on Monday. I'm feeling a bit nervous about it. New people, new rules and new students. Eeek. He has been busy doing a mixture of things, he's found a squash partner and last night went to the cinema with A. He also fixed the oven, that I happily spotted was on fire a few days ago and turned it off, preventing a much worse situation. He didn't think he had fixed it but then it worked, so fingers crossed it is ok. I will be keeping a close eye on it. 

We've booked for a carpet in the front room, next week, and have stripped the front room and stairs of the disgusting old carpet. It felt good to get it up and off to the tip. It really was uncleanable. Bought paint and I've been busy getting a layer or two of it on the walls before I start work. We can't quite decide if the colour works. It's a light grey but looks very blue in some lights of the passing day and therefore we just don't know. Despite a soak in the bath I am still covered in specks of paint. 

Yesterday I felt a pang of something like a mild grief, as I received messages from people in Malawi, their term has begun. It does feel like I should be there, setting up the year, celebrating the success of the last and welcoming the new staff. One campus friend sent me a message to  say the newbies won't have such a great start because they don't have me and BigA to guide them. Perhaps a little true, but I challenged them to look after them well instead of us. I think it was due to me missing my first day of school in Malawi that I kept myself very busy yesterday and planted out 2 plants I had bought in a moment of frivolity while at B&Q and have begun to create a different bed 

have a wonderful week 

lots of love and kisses

A footnote to last week's email - my mother pointed out that she and Susie would 'mouth' "have you got your knickers on". Not mount... which would indeed be a very different kind of relationship and not one, I am sad to say, the catholic church is very supportive of. I found a small prayer book given to me by Susie this week too, the book contains some very thoughtful and gentle words of support and encouragement and I felt a little bit like she was reminding me to be kind to myself, brave when I need to be and that I'm never alone. 

and another footnote - A has read this email and would like you all to know she has a long sleeved top. She hasn't worn one in 6 whole years. That's almost a third of her life. I have been forced to write this bit.