Home

 We landed and collected our bags, all accounted for. Said goodbye to 2 last friends and then battled our way out to get our taxi. 

Then the drive home. 

It's hard to describe the feeling of coming home. Part of my brain was sure it was a trip, a chance to reconnect but short term and the rest knew, this is it. And then we were home our newly extended family, A getting so excited and grinning from ear to ear all she began to recognize where we were. - it felt smaller and it didn't smell right. Joe and Opa met us and Joe had made sure there was enough food and other bits and pieces there to make it not feel empty and hopeless. 

But I didn't feel quite right. The odd changes, the furniture we hadn't left and the missing furniture we had. The missing kitchen stuff and gaps where our curtains used to be took their toll on me and I got quite upset. A cup of tea later and some unpacking and it started to feel a little better.

Everyone who has moved house will know this stage, the regret at what you have kept the sense of everything not quite fitting in. The things you remember wanting to buy the house for and the peculiarities you will get so used to they won't be noticed in a few months. But there is something different about coming back. It's not like when you go to your childhood home, it's not as nice as that. So much grubbier and it feels used in a way it didn't when it was new (not that it's been for a few hundred years) 

Part of the adjustment is the reliving of memories attached. As I shut the downstairs toilet door I recalled the guttural scream of A the day she got her fingers caught in the hinge. The parties in the kitchen, the meals and fun and of course difficulties. I looked at the handrail we fitted to make it easier for my dad to navigate the house and recalled the time BigA and I agreed we had to move, somewhere dad could come, an extra toilet and bedroom being the main reasons. And then how quickly he changed. 

I thought to the last time he sat on the now missing sofa and we said goodbye. I did see him again. But we were being cautious. 

And it wasn't just me doing this, A finding memories most when her oldest friend Gabe came over. He talked about the play room, the garden and more. No matter how hard the next few weeks and months might be, seeing A so happy and hearing her and M chat away, popping out and gaining their independence makes it all worth while. 

We got some stuff down from the loft. I think it's a reflection of my mental state and utter ignorance of what we put up there. Honestly, why did I keep a pack of party bags and two packs of straws. A cake making kit (I'm a hopeless baker) and cheap plastic cutlery but not a single wooden spoon in sight. Oh and of course lots of camping stuff. 

We had a Tesco delivery at the same time that BigA and I were heading out to get a Chinese takeaway. And I could cheerfully get the teenagers in the house to take it in and pack it all away. 

A took great delight in loading the dishwasher (I doubt that will last) and then to wrap up the first day we started looking online for new sofas. 

Day 2 - this will be a long email! 

I slept quite well despite the lack of curtains and the noises of Tottenham. A man shouting at the sky, motorbike revving and an overly cheerful morning walker, whistling at 4am. I gave up hope of getting back to sleep at about 6 and got up, cup of tea with fresh milk and I pottered about. A fox lounged pleasantly on the bench at the end of our garden and the sun tried to shine. I began to think of all the things we have to do. But decided to drink tea for a bit instead. We set out to get some of the basics in Wood Green and the week of sorting and organsing continued. Between us we have sorted stuff, some online purchases and in person. Various bits of life admin sorted like changes of address and registering at the GP. After a day of fixing things, getting things and more BigA managed to get the dining room table down, we've decided to put that in what was the playroom and the summer light makes it a lovely space. A had two friends over but they had already eaten (happily) and so our now family of 4 had our first proper meal around the table. I'd simply popped to the corner shop for the salad ingredients. Monday evening we set out to one of Edgar's good friends home for dinner. The girls decided to stay in and they cooked their first meal. 

The girls have been very much enjoying getting to know the area, A remembering more each time and M finding her feet. I've been so impressed by their willingness to get out and about but also see how they are good at giving each other space too. I hope M is feeling like this is her home. They have worked out the bus route to one college and will do the other one next week. 

BigA has been all over the place, Manchester and Exeter for his business. He's on a stag do right now. He is so busy and I know it is good that he has the work, but it has certainly added to some of the stress of coming back. He made it to a localish frisbee game which he really enjoyed and once things settle down I'm sure he will feel happier. In between all this he's fitted curtains because he hired a car for his week, we've been able to go to a few shops IKEA for wardrobes and desks. 

I've been able to catch up with a few people, working it around emails, set ups and some very needed afternoon naps. I went to an old friends 50th birthday yesterday but didn't know anyone other than her and her husband so it was lots of small talk, but nice to being able to reconnect. Mum comes today. Excited to see her.