Christmas Eve

Like so many this is a strange time of year. I'm excited and just wrote out my, what I'm cooking list. If makes me think of my childhood. I have nothing but joyous memories of this. The ceremony the anticipation and the family. Just us 5 and then sometimes a dog. We never went anywhere else. It was just us. Well, a bit of loads of other people as we set off for church, leaving my dad behind to cook. 
My parents always washed up on Christmas day. They wouldn't put the presents for us under the tree until the night before and we were not allowed in the front room until we can't back from church. 
All of it joy and love.

I miss him. I miss all that. My mum will wake up on her own this Christmas. Many people do. I will not. I am very happy about that. 

Today a friend sent me some writing he had done. This year will be his first without his wife. I was almost jealous of how much he loves her. The relationship they had, the love and respect they had for another. I wondered if I have that. Decided, sort of, that's why we're in Malawi after all. He and his son will get through the day. Somehow. And I will do all I can to appreciate every moment I have. One day, my husband and daughter might need to get through a day without me. I'm hoping not. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Brussels

Last Saturday the girls and I set off for a day trip to Brighton, me to meet up with Sharon and Chaz and them to have a bit of a wander around - to see a place that they had both been to when younger but not for a long time. It was a truly lovely day and I was so full of the happiness of it all, that I almost didn't mind the excruciating delays on the train home.  Sunday was all about getting digging in the garden, I was determined to make a start on the area near the door to dig out as much as possible and redistribute the earth to the back of the garden and around. Some of the plants A and I bought have been dug up and some plants rather beaten up, we assume by the foxes. I did more on Monday and was pleased it hadn't rained so I could very on - as it would just be a mud hole. I also said bye to A that morning as she headed off to Kent for some filming for someone's school project. I was super excited for her but also a bit nervous about her heading off without me. She ha...
Read more

Sea Air

 I met mum and J out of church and popped to the high street to get a couple of best tops. The air was warm but the breeze made it bearable. After a bit of reading in the garden we went for lunch by the sea. A quick catch up with my sister and K over tasty food and then mum and I went for a paddle.  Jo had organized a lovely 'outdoor eating experience' not a BBQ at hers and I happily spent a beautiful evening with my family. Mum and I wandered home in the very warm evening air. The sea air was so welcome compared to the stifling heat of London. The next morning I went to church, as I often do, feeling the familiar comfort of the happy memories of my youth. The demographics have changed but some old (really old) faces said hello. I was delighted to be mistaken for mum's granddaughter. Then there was a meal in the church garden which was nice, the feast day of St Peter and St Paul. I narrowly avoided a seafood stir fry. It is nice to know so may people intend to pray for me....
Read more

hard week

 This week started like a very normal week but to my great sadness it changed on Wednesday evening when mum let me know about uncle Michael. I know I was very lucky to have a long lasting connection based on a love of words and theatre with him. Over the years I learned a lot from him and we spent a good number of hours talking about his life, my life, eating good food and watching mostly great theatre. It is with a dragging grief that I didn't add his name onto the email list this morning. And a gutting realisation that the list has once again gotten smaller. It is a small comfort to me that he was on the list though and that, even though he changed his email address an inexplicable number of times, I think he would have been in the loop about my life and I hope very much he was proud of me living it.  I wonder about the telling of the rest of the week. Perhaps just to say that the girls were good at revising around their work commitments,...
Read more